Tony Awards

Check out these performances on the Tony awards. Let me know what you think about the first one. :-)

 Book of Mormon--Believe
Anything Goes
Dueling Hosts

Side By Side
How to Succeed in Business

Traveling

Traveling is always an adventure and I experienced one on my way home a few days ago. When I arrived at the airport, my flight was already delayed an hour, so they switched my connecting flight in Chicago so I could make it. Then, as I sat waiting to board the plane after another hour delay, one of the workers came over the loudspeaker and announced that only the people making half of the connecting flights were going to be able to make it. On top of that, they did not have any more rooms in Chicago to put people up so they asked if anyone would be able to fly to Houston and then to my destination from there. Now normally when I am flying by myself, I am a little on edge because I want to make sure that I make all of my connections and that i am paying attention to the announcements and such, but this trip I was surprisingly not stressed at all. In fact, I was able to just take everything in stride. The other passengers were all freaking out or angry about the delay, but I just had peace about it. It is amazing to see the blessings in a situation instead of the frustrations. Since my flight was delayed, they put me up in a hotel for the night and gave me a nice meal voucher so that I could have a snack at the restaurant. I also got shuttle service to and from the hotel and a morning wake up call. Basically, the airline ended up paying over $80 because their planes were not all running smoothly. It was so amazing to feel the Lord's protection over me the whole time and to just be able to dwell in his peace even when everyone around me was unhappy. And what an opportunity to be a witness among people who may not know the Lord!

Thoughts

So, I read through a few friends' blogs today. It was an eye opening experience into their hearts. It is amazing how words can sometimes express things in written form that I would never grasp if they were said out loud. The blogs were full of true and deep feelings. Not feelings of joy and happiness, but true feelings of the heart that I am often not able to express to people. Vulnerability. Now that is a funny concept. You see, I like to have things figured out before I speak them. Usually, this involves me thinking about something around and around in a circle and almost thinking it to death really. Growing up it was always "think before you speak" which is an excellent concept, but my little brain sometimes takes it too far. Christian community is a place where I should feel the freedom to express my thoughts and feelings, but time after time I am too scared of rejection in order to share my thoughts. My perfectionism comes out like a monster that locks up my mouth and my heart to prevent me from opening up. What if people see that I am a mess inside? How will I be able to face them? What if they don't react well to what I have to say? How will I be able to face myself? I think the last question really is the key. I spend so much of my life trying to gauge how other people will respond and trying to figure out what is appropriate or the best way to phrase something so that the other people will respond the way I expect them too. Sometimes I think I try to avoid awkward conversations and reactions so I force the situation not to be awkward. I was reading a book today and there was a scene in which a husband and wife had to have a very awkward and brutally honest conversation in which both would end up hurt. Now, I realize that these are fictional characters, but the author made it very real. One of my strengths is harmony and I don't like to hurt people. I can also be a people pleaser and the combination of the two is often deadly. Not because people get offended, but because I often let it prevent me from truly loving people. As a Christian, I am called to speak the truth in love, but that does not mean to completely plan it out and know exactly how they will respond because then I cannot be in the moment with them walking in vulnerability. Love sometimes requires being brutally honest even though I know I will hurt someone. hm . . . I sometimes feel that I have lost my ability to truly love people since being an RA. Thankfully, God never gives up on me. Maybe that is one reason I am writing this blog. I knew that if I didn't get my thoughts down, the walls of my heart would close up again. For the time being though, they are down and I want them to be that way.

Summertime

Summertime. Endless sunshine and water fights. Popsicles and sunscreen. Countless hours spent outside enjoying the breeze in the sun or the shade while reading a great book or talking with a good friend.

I did not know what to expect this summer. You see, usually, I go and have a great adventure, and this summer is different because I am experiencing normalcy or whatever that is. I am working two jobs, living at school, hanging out with friends, spending time with the Lord, volunteering at church, babysitting, cooking and taking care of a townhouse as a real adult and enjoying the sunshine. So far, it has been so much better than I ever dreamed. At first I thought I would be bored all the time and not have anything to fill up my time, but that has not been the case at all. One of my dear friends is my roommate and it is wonderful to have her here. We have already had several adventures together shopping at goodwill and going to a wonderful musical put on my a local theater group. There is also a very special young man in my life who is also on campus this summer and it has been great to grow and develop in that relationship also. One of my favorite parts of the summer so far has been spending time with the Lord. After a crazy school year (they always are) I was ready for a break and I needed some serious time just hanging out with God. Some people think that is crazy, but it is pretty normal for me. I love to go on walks or go to a park and journal and read the Bible or listen and sing worship music. I was unsure of how this summer would be and if I would be disciplined enough to spend time with Him, but it has not been something I feel like I should do. Instead, when life slows down like it does in the summer I am able to hear the still small voice so much better beckoning to me to come away with him, dismiss the business and worries of being human, and just be loved. Chai with the Lord . . . one of the best experiences ever.